Sonnet Shakedown

Post your revised sonnet as a comment AND reply to at least one other peer’s sonnet post.  Give your peers constructive criticism and say why.

http://www.rhymezone.com/ — rhyming resource

http://www.wordcalc.com/ — syllable counter

 

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58 thoughts on “Sonnet Shakedown

  1. I most desire to fullfill my dreams;
    Being successful, enjoying life and being happy.
    Making money, baking cakes, love, and happiness.
    Wedding cakes, birthday cakes, brownies and more;
    I take special requests, don’t walk out that door.
    5 layers, 4 layers, 3 layers, big or small;
    Colors of the rainbow or simple black and white;
    For you, it will be half price!
    Tall short, I can bake and create it all;
    Doubt me if you will, but ill prove you wrong
    I draw it up a couple times, until I get it right.
    My staff starts on the project at hand
    But I take it over so it comes out grand!
    I hope you enjoy it as much as I did creating it!

    Like

  2. Sonnets are really hard to write
    so as I looked out the glass
    I started to think “will I be up all night?”
    I tried this all english class
    Ugh! What a fright
    I’d rather be sprayed with tear gas
    and as I begin to quietly weep
    as I start to get quite drowsy
    I just want to go to sleep
    at English, why am I so lowsy?
    I guess i’ll just write something
    so I can atleast get a B

    Like

    1. Twice my fun has begun,
      Open the door to some ghost,
      Once a middle name is learnt,
      Join the brigade of the Sun.
      Join the messenger of the gun,
      He is called gunner over-burnt,
      Gunman of the supper-sonnet,
      Real person, real tonne.
      Because I have many colours,
      Something blue, and already new,
      Like red and green, of the leaf.
      Going the way so tailors,
      Like or love a station of you,
      Often over you so many creators.

      Like

  3. I was driving to the beach,
    To the sun I was to reach
    On the highway a Vette sat
    I knew we would be at bat
    I armed the nitrous quite fast
    So I would not end up in last
    But that state of mind is worse
    He honked his horn quite loudly
    Our engines would soon become roudy
    Our cars were in a great fight
    We decided to go right
    His V8 was much bigger
    But my sprayed 6 was much quicker.

    Like

  4. “Tranquility through Loved Things”

    Sneakers are a work of art with a history,
    Facing reseller hype and pricing.
    So with each sneaker, there’s a mystery,
    Only thing you can do is talk the price down nicely.

    From retro to new releases,
    Almost every shoe is beautiful.
    Destroying a retro shoe breaks my heart into pieces,
    But you never saw me show emotion, so that may be new to you.

    Imagine everything you love placed in your hand,
    And everyone wants it, yes! There’s a big demand.
    Now picture someone destroying that loved thing,
    I guarantee you your heart will personify sand.

    Your love for and object is always in existence,
    You just have to identify it to stop someone from ending.

    Like

  5. I am sure i have the answers
    i am sure i have the cure
    immaculate cars,pretty dancers
    That will thrill you right to the core
    All the dreams fullfilled
    And you’ll have friends, where you go
    No matter how unskilled
    You’ll be the star of the show
    It’ll take just a bit of money
    Just like the sweetest drops of honey
    just a little bit of money
    Money, money, money…

    The point in this sonnet was to show that money can change people.

    Like

  6. Hunting Sonnet
    Waiting patiently high up in a tree
    Soaking in the surroundings like a sponge
    Staring at the squirrels and the bright leaves
    Feeling like a driver waiting to plunge
    Chilly breeze nipping at my face
    Trying to stay as long as possible
    Heart is racing even though it is not a race
    Killing a deer is never impossible
    But I love it like a bear loves its cub
    Wouldn’t do anything else if I could
    I would never shoot a stub
    I shoot deer right where I should
    Deer hunting is never a bore it’s great
    I’ve defiantly picked up a great trait

    Like

    1. A power that never yields and never rests
      Tearing at the heart from ones chest
      This is the urging to do ones best
      And succeed until you breathe your very last breath
      No desires have I to do such as this
      No influences have I for pleasure
      Be it angles embrace or devils kiss
      I will be a flame that burns out this endeavor.
      Isolation is my sanctuary that confides me
      Yet by my side my shadow does stand
      He asks why there are no flames to guide thee
      Because desire breeds the cruelty of man
      I wish for no desire and to remain alone
      But wanting no desire is a desire in its own

      Like

  7. 1.I hastily seek out happiness,
    2. as a flower blooming seeks out the gloominess sun,
    3.I wish to be forever engulfed
    4. in it like thee mighty ocean is evermore
    5.with spacious water ,Thee is a story
    6.with no ending or a journey
    7.with forever no destination , but is
    8. unlimited like thee fiery stars in thou
    9.sky, to whom humbly grants this
    10.unlimited powerful wish? How does
    11. one being gain such power on thee earth?
    12. If the one thing that makes me
    13. the happiest kills me,
    14. shall I still pursue it,
    15.One shall die happy then rather live sad.

    Like

  8. The Perfect Woman, where does she exist?
    The Perfect Woman, with the hair that glows
    The Perfect Woman, with her perfect kiss
    The Perfect Woman, with her perfect clothes
    The Perfect Woman, extremely reserved
    The Perfect Woman, wild as a tiger
    The Perfect Woman, with wonderful curves
    The Perfect Woman, as great as caesar
    The Perfect Woman, she’s greater than gold
    The Perfect Woman, as humble as bronze
    The Perfect Woman, with wisdom of old
    The Perfect Woman, why can’t she be mine?
    The Perfect Woman, where does she exist?
    The Perfect Woman, she is on my list.

    Like

  9. Sonnet “Hypocritical World”

    A world without strife is what I desire,
    To be able to sleep without a care,
    And wake rested and nature admire,
    To see its beauty, wonder and stare.
    I would give it all to build a safe world,
    A place where children can happily play.
    Oh, how I long for those great days of old,
    Oh, how grey are the sad skies in this day.
    A world where people have lost all hope.
    It has driven people to lose their faith,
    They continue through life with fear, and mope.
    It is enough! This cannot be my fate.
    But then, what’s life without a little rush?
    Yes, a little chaos, a soul, won’t crush.

    Like

  10. Sonnet “Hypocritical World”

    A world without strife is what I desire,
    To be able to sleep without a care,
    And wake rested and nature admire,
    To see its beauty, wonder and stare.
    I would give it all to build a safe world,
    A place where children can happily play.
    Oh, how I long for those great days of old,
    Oh, how grey are the sad skies in this day.
    A world where people have lost all hope.
    It has driven people to lose their faith,
    They continue through life with fear, and mope.
    It is enough! This cannot be my fate.
    But then, what’s life without a little rush?
    Yes, a little chaos, a soul won’t crush.

    Like

  11. Desire is like a dream
    You’re the only one to make it come true
    You have to be your own team
    Always have to make do
    I want money
    I need freedom
    A lot of people think it’s funny
    But money can be a demon
    It can’t control me
    I am free as can be
    All of my life I wanted nice things
    Cadillac’s and Beam’s
    Gold blocks, diamond rings
    This is going to be my reality, not dreams

    Like

  12. Ben franklin all on my mind
    When I spend I don’t even spend a dime
    Jumping into a swimming pool filled with green
    Is this dream
    Or is this a prank
    What do I have to do
    Rob a bank?
    I hope I don’t get shot on the job
    My desire is to have money
    Lots and lots of money
    Bands around my stacks
    Too much to hold in my hands
    I got money on my mind
    I got money on my mind

    Like

  13. Ladder to heaven, so high, dreams don’t stop,
    Mind so expanded, endless weighs a thought,
    Hertz are raising till reality drops,
    My eyes don’t decieve what the world has brought,
    Biological organisms are,
    Transcending Hummanity from day one,
    Era and era we have made it far,
    Desire to progress, hearts beat like drums,
    My lust for a dream to know the unknown,
    Eyes mirroring the stars that shine so bright,
    One love, one vibe, i’m never alone,
    Create a future through a mindful sight,
    No fear, no hurt of running out of time,
    A legend, is infinitvely Devine.

    Like

  14. My desires consist of cute animals
    Giving them homes and love that they deserve
    Something that they can find adaptable
    Some animals can act very reserved
    Animals come in all shapes and sizes
    Some can be as calm as the deep blue sea
    The variety always surprises
    However all have some variety
    Variety is what makes them so special
    And what keeps them so close to our hearts
    So don’t make them stay in an ice cold kennel
    They definitely don’t need to fall apart
    They are too cute and lovable for that
    Too sweet and innocent and that’s a fact

    Like

  15. Shackles shed, chains removed. Battle scars remain.
    War in my mind, drowning in expectations.
    Sky is dark, but at least I feel rain.
    Score uneven, but I will move on.
    Freedom comes at a price, but I have paid.
    Quarters in tears, dimes in sweat, dollars in will.
    The rest are mice fearful, unopposing.
    Trying times, the revolution moves on.
    Cast the first stone, prepare for scrutiny.
    Break stereotypes, create the new paths.
    Their world wasn’t for me, I make my own way.
    Don’t fake to fit in, reshape the system.
    I am alone, backs are turned against me.
    I am alone but at least I am free.

    Like

  16. Being a linemen will be fun
    It might be hard, but ill get it done
    If I struggle, then that’s fine
    I’m still young and have sometime
    There are many dangerous situations
    Being 75 feet up in the air
    With heavy tools some to spare
    The sights I see will be great
    There will be times ill be home late
    This is the job I’ve always wanted
    I will pursue my desire
    There’s always a line company that will hire
    There will be times that I will have doubts
    This work is hard, everyone will shout

    Like

  17. The vw bug, A nice curved body line, An egg type shape, Nice fat front an rear fenders, The front end smiling at you with a eye of headlights, A nice sound an beautiful shaped motor, Crome hup caps with A beuty ring, Nice winal interior, All black head liner, A very load system with two 10’s, An some wide rear tires an skinny tires in the front

    Like

  18. What is it I desire
    A nice house with a great view of the sun
    I desire a life that makes my heart burn like fire
    A great job that I can enjoy and have a lot of fun
    Being able to travel around the world
    Have my time to myself
    Being my own boss is deserved
    That would be great itself
    I might get a dog
    And an old tree frog
    A life I can be proud of
    Keeping my head held high
    But I think I have a long way to go
    I am content with what I have now right here under this sky

    Like

  19. What is it I desire
    A nice house with a great view of the sun
    I desire a life that makes my heart burn like fire
    A great job that I can have a lot of fun
    Being able to travel around the world
    Have my time to myself
    Being my own boss is deserved
    That would be great itself
    I might get a dog
    And an old tree frog
    A life I can be proud of
    Keeping my head held high
    But I think I have a long way to go
    I am content with what I have now right here under this sky

    Like

  20. The tears that fall down your face,
    Are more heart felt than I know,
    I hope one day I can replace,
    That sadness with a glow,
    My Mother, My comfort, My rock,
    I just wish for you to smile,
    Come sit with me, forget the clock,
    And let’s reminisce for a while,
    Remember all the days we have had,
    Remember all the smiles,
    Remember all the joyous tears,
    Forget sadness for a while,
    I want nothing more than your happiness,
    To rid you of all emptiness.

    Like

  21. My heart dropped as we departed the cruise.
    Seeing you turn away and walk off made me gray.
    When I got home I started to sing the blues.
    Just wanting to go back to say hey.
    When I said goodbye all I wanted to do was cry.
    I know you will be okay and work hard anyway.
    When I got your letter I did a sigh wanting to hurry up and reply.
    Waiting to see your letter again someday.
    With your big blue eyes seeing that tear made me want to die.
    You risk your life trying to protect this country.
    Seeing you say bye I just wondered why.
    But I have to think you’re just doing it for the money.
    With you always on my mind.
    I know we will always be just fine.

    Like

  22. Peace, love, hope, what do these words mean to us?
    Make us feel we have a presence in life.
    Would money be able to solve all of thus?
    Would money bring us happiness or strife?

    I long to prosper in this world called Earth.
    Where my place on Earth became a ringer.
    Knowing what I wanted to do since birth.
    I’ve wanted to be a famous singer.

    I’ve never has passion for something so strong.
    Wanting to sing for what I believe in.
    I’m always thinking about it all day long.
    It even sometimes gives me a grin.

    One day it will happen, I have no doubt.
    I will be known worldwide for my true self.

    Like

  23. The lights are off and the candles are lit
    I walk in the room and tuck them away
    Can’t hear a mouse not even a cricket
    So now I know they are safe and ok
    Goodnight, sweet dreams as I say every night
    We’ll see you in the morning, go to sleep
    When the sun is high in the sky and bright
    Goodnight, love you, don’t let the bed bugs creep
    I walk to the room with a sweet smile
    I lay in my bed as he looks and says
    “love you so much lets cuddle a while”
    He wraps me up; the strong embrace of his
    I love you baby, sweet dreams and goodnight
    don’t take all the blanket’s or we will fight

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  24. ‘’A Delightful Sonnet’’

    Thy has many desires for good food
    One is about some delicious McChcikens
    Tan crispy juicy flavor meat dude
    Some nice golden perfect cut French fries with friends

    Along with a cold frutie delightful
    Strawberry banana sweet smoothies
    A big cup of deliciousness that can’t be forgetful
    Leave you with such an awful tease

    In peace and quiet where there’s never a riot
    The sun up high and the wind blowing nice
    Eating until my stomach can’t fight it
    This food is so good & it’s so precise

    I desire, crave, long for this all because
    Continuous inner controlling buzz

    Like

  25. My Sonnet:
    Window down on a sleek car.
    Emotional satisfaction .
    Having a ring around a beautiful girl’s finger.
    No grey hairs on my head.
    Wallet is too fat to fit in my back pocket.
    Dressed to impress.
    Fresh shoes and accessories to accent me.
    Long drive way to a beautiful house swarmed in elegance.
    Rolled fenders, deep dishes, and a paint job that looks dripping wet.
    A garage with a ba4 and many more.
    Although I desire much, I already have something I want to never let go of…

    Like

  26. My Desire
    I desire the long 9 months,
    The moves the kick’s,
    Sleepless nights are never ending,
    I toss and turn, can’t get comfy
    I wake up and get sick but all for whom,
    Someone I will call my child, boy or girl special or normal,
    In my arms is where he/she belongs,
    Forever will I protect, my instincts being so strong,
    Hearing monitors beeping, lights flashing sirens roaring,
    The final words I hear is one last push,
    My heart skips a beat; the bond is strong between mother and baby,
    My desires was surplused beyond what I thought,
    A dreamer who wasn’t seeking a dream, dreams came true.

    Like

    1. And no im not pregnant for those who want to talk, it is my desire when i grow up. I have a desire to want a kid of my own and know what it is like to be a mom when the TIME IS RIGHT! (GRADUATED)

      Like

  27. Shaniqua Pierson
    Life is a baseball game you play one inning at a time
    You’ll never know what life throws at you.
    But being a failure is just a state of mind.
    Curve balls may come but just be wise
    Think of all the things you could do with your life
    Put it in action and see what you can do.
    Make dreams a reality that you can pursue
    Get up and get out,
    Be who you are
    That one shining star,
    That goes so far,
    I refuse to get stuck in some tar,
    Being the player has come to a halt,
    Now I’m the coach to the game I have played.

    Like

  28. Travel
    Examine fine textiles fit for a king
    Peruse into a Moroccan bizarre
    Feel the ancient magic of the hot springs
    Inhale the spice of a Cuban cigar

    Dance with the indigenous island beats
    Stand on the ruins of an old lost coast
    Bask in a secluded sandy lagoon
    Sip on the fresh exotic blends and roasts.

    Feast on authentic original meals
    Meditate in the ways of the natives
    Discover what ancient secrets reveal
    Find secret ancient health alternatives

    No matter the lustrous places I go
    There will never be a place like my home

    Like

  29. I wake up to the alerting sound of old revelry.
    I start my day by putting on my old boots.
    I put on my clean ACU’s, watch, hat, and patches.
    I get transferred in a few shiny armored hum-v.
    On my way to an unknown destination with my S.A.
    I get to the area which I am being transported.
    I am escorted to the meeting room by armored guards.
    We all discuss politics, rumors about aids and our families.
    Johnson’s family has been kidnapped and needs our professional rescue.
    His wife Natasha has been captured by the Somalian pirates.
    We attempt to aid in her search and successful rescue.
    We succeed, capture the somalian pirates, nurse her to health.
    We are on the way back to base camp, relaxed.
    When we notice something odd, he also had a daughter.

    Like

  30. Sonnet
    Do you want most the money, the power?
    Or do you want the respect that most have
    You can just give me the power right now
    And I can take care of the rest by myself,
    Self-independent I don’t need no one,
    We are talking about big houses on the hill
    We talking about big cars in the drive way
    That always sit still, not a player just know the game
    I know it very well, but beside the point I don’t really care
    We getting money now, ha we are not hurting
    No more sleeping in the dark, listen to the dogs bark
    No more cold streets or slow hard beats,
    Living a life that most dream of,
    But in the end I am who they think of.
    No money no ties, tired of cold white lies,
    Money or power won’t change who I am.
    by CJ W.

    Like

  31. A valuable thing I greatly desire
    a thing out of this world with burning fire
    I deeply desire an ability
    The amazing ability to transform.
    It’s possible with my stability
    Would be unbelievably really cool
    to transform everything in my whole life.
    My life into cartoon mode for cool.
    Cartoons are cool and better than weird wool.
    I would love to experience them now
    for cartoons are really awesome like pools.
    The tree outside trying to own the whole place
    it acts like a cartoon I’m aware of
    for cartoons are real in the mind I sigh.

    Like

  32. A Centurion’s Sonnet

    Commander of almost one hundred men
    Armor on his shins and sword on his left
    While a Decurion only controlled ten
    Centurions had to never have a theft
    After service they couldn’t command again
    All Centurions in battle were very deft

    Throwing short heavy javelins forward
    Carrying a think shield shaped in a square
    They held the short sword Gladius or Spanish Sword
    Their side crested helmets of horsehair
    Besieging cities reaped great rewards
    Sounding the light gold whistles screeching blare

    They lost many of their fellow soldiers
    Fighting many battles shoulder to shoulder

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  33. I can’t shake this little feeling that says
    I’ll never break free from this lonesome cage
    I fear being enveloped in my mind is
    Inevitable, the way I’ll live out my days
    “Society is the equivalent to poison”
    Repeat, I think my mind is right in a way
    Haven’t you seen how vile the world is lately?
    Wouldn’t it be merely instinct to shun away?
    And shunned away is how I’ll remain
    Until the moment the world’s skies clear from ash grey
    And I seize to feel resent and disdain
    For a world that never fails to show angst
    For a world that’ll never be void of pain
    In my head, I’ll remain. In my head, I’ll remain.

    Like

  34. The Nature of Desire

    To what is the result of desire?
    The drive of man, depends on the motive;
    To make some men great, and others, liars,
    Some hearts are transparent, others coded.

    Desire when it has become fertile,
    When conceived, in time, can give birth to sin;
    Corrupted hearts: “To whom can we beguile?”
    Ignoring the yang, yet embraced the yin.

    By the same token, desire is zeal,
    Eagerness is to inspire greatness.
    If the goal is to encourage and heal,
    Then your zeal will help you to be blameless.

    Will you be corrupt? Or blameless and true?
    The nature of desires, within you.

    Like

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